Regular visitors to TGG already know I call it as I see it so it isn’t as if I’m ever going to soft soap anything but I’m still never overly comfortable shellacking something, since I’d never want to take food out of anyone’s mouth, but shooting straight is my stock and trade; No one will ever accuse me of being a Rex Reed sort of reviewer who seemingly hates everything or, better yet, one of those faceless assclowns you see in movie ads touting a flick as “great entertainment” only to find the reviewer (as well as the quoted reviewer’s website) are nonexistent.
I have to say Greg and I were really looking forward to making a run through this year’s The Walking Dead: Escape since we’re both great fans of the comic and AMC show. Honestly, it was one of the big events we were pumped to check out this year since we figured it would contain some top notch scares, what with a $75 price tag to run the obstacle course as a survivor or $95 to play the undead for a couple of hours. Sure there were some discounts the public could have scored but, if I remember correctly, you could combine both for somewhere around $140. Or you could kick it on the sidelines as a spectator for about $20. It looked as if we’d be in for a memorable experience.
Wow… Was I wrong…
With the Voice of E, former TGG partner in crime Elliott Miller in tow, we hit Petco ready to rock and roll hoping none of us would have a stroke while running the course. Truth is The Walking Dead: Escape is a bit of an obstacle course and, while you don’t have to have a body by Adonis, it’s a good idea to be in some semblance of good shape to make the attempt. As far as Petco went you made your way to the upper deck and then back down to the ground level during the fifteen or so minutes it took to traverse the event. It didn’t help matters when the night we went through turned out to be unseasonably hot and humid for the San Diego area…
Right off the bat I knew we were in for something less than we expected when a camo clad actor, who was reciting his introductory script as you prepared to enter, botched up his lines and kept referring to his script to make his way through about six lines of dialogue. Once we moved further along we were greeted by another actor portraying a member of the San Diego Department of Health (if I remember correctly) and he played his role with great aplomb so hope was renewed this was going to be some cool zombie madness. Sorry to say that’s not how it played out.
If the zombie apocalypse consists of around thirty zombies, as it did that night at Petco, I think humanity has a really good chance of riding the whole thing out. Honestly, the event had so few volunteers (and paying walkers) I believe they had to use elevators to shift the zombies around to fill everything out while the attendees were running up and down the concourses of the ballpark. Worse yet were the obvious CPR dummies used as triage patients and the downright laughable stuffed animal passing as a burned dog which immediately shifted my gears into tossing off wiseassed cracks at every turn.
Kudos to Greg for lugging a camera along for the entire run! Too bad watching the video is even more painful than the experience itself and the sheer boredom of the entire event has lead me to just scrap it since it’s probably in the organizer’s best interests the twenty or so minutes of video never see the light of day; especially with my scathing comments tossed into the mix…
You know a bad haunted house is simply a bad haunted house and, as the old adage goes, “Yas pays yas money, yas takes yas chances” but when that bad haunted house puts your life and limb at risk that needs to be mentioned as well. As we signed in for our press passes we had to also sign a waiver which contained the usual routine of not suing someone if we fell to our deaths or any such dire circumstances. It was also pointed out to us, on a couple of occasions, no one would physically interact with us by grabbing, tearing, or pushing us; at least those who were part of the Escape that is – the other survivors were probably free to trample you but at least Skybound was covering their asses as far as anyone officially involved. Problem is that wasn’t the case.
At every turn those portraying the walkers were grabbing your clothes, snagging limbs, and essentially making an unorganized situation begin to border on the dangerous. Toward the end of the course you made your way through the lower deck box seats and where we found a bottleneck. Making matters even worse, a young girl who was playing a walker grabbed my shirt and almost sent me into a face plant which could have also sent me careening down a few rows seats if I hadn’t caught my footing in time. Thankfully, I’m a bit lighter on my feet than folks may think, so I pulled off a spin move out of near disaster; I never had to hit the shoulder button once either!
While I’m sure I could bust off and truly rail away at The Walking Dead: Escape in my usual style, I think there are a few items to make note of before completely chalking it up as a real steaming pile.
First, as in any event that relies on volunteers or people paying to participate on the backside, you have a hard time controlling exactly what takes place at any given minute. While Escape was completely disorganized and bordered on sheer clusterfuckery, I believe the people on the scene were doing the best they could. Second, this is the third year of the event taking place at SDCC so I’m sure the bloom was off the rose sometime around Friday night of 2013 so, if the tour makes its way to your neck of the woods, you might have a larger turn out and better participation as far as zombies go. Lastly, as in years past, if you were a paying customer you got a variant of The Walking Dead comic which wasn’t available anywhere else and the $25 or $30 you get from eBay (if you sell the comic) might help salve your wounds for shelling out the bucks to run the course in the first place.
Truthfully I get what The Walking Dead: Escape is all about, I really do. No one has ever claimed Robert Kirkman isn’t looking to squeeze every single nickel he can out of TWD; hell, that’s the reason a ton of people are even getting into the comic industry right now – the hope they have an IP they can turn around into a TV show or movie which will net them millions. God bless Kirkman because he tolled long and hard before The Walking Dead became a phenom so I’m not here to pee on his parade. Where I will take issue is the approach he’s taken to squeeze every nickel; run into Tony Moore one day at some con in your neighborhood and prepare yourself to be regaled by the extent of shenanigans Kirkman resorted to in order to squeeze those nickels.
*Quick sidenote* Charlie Adlard is probably one of the nicest people you will ever encounter in the comic industry and is highly respected by pros and fans alike. Don’t think for a second any critique I have about how Robert Kirkman conducts business reflects on Charlie Adlard in the least!
Yet I’m not going to give Kirkman too much grief outside of screwing people over to make a buck. That story is as old as comics and if he wants to sign off on The Walking Dead: Escape, while providing nothing more than you’d experience at the lamest neighborhood Halloween spook house at the local Catholic church (actually those folks invest way more time into their makeup and don’t resort to Heinz to simulate blood) or 4H that’s his business.
My business is to shoot straight and recommend you save your money. As much as I always hate to toss out a major thumbs down on anything, my job is to provide an honest assessment.
Honestly if you’re a fan of The Walking Dead you’d really be better served investing your $75 or more into picking up the TWD omnibus or Blurays of a couple of the seasons of the show. If you really have to experience The Walking Dead: Escape, if it comes to your town, then I suggest finding some deep, deep discounts somewhere online so you don’t feel overly cheated.
